No one can make you angry without your permission.
"You made me do it."
"You are driving me nuts."
When you place someone in charge of your emotions you place that person in charge of you.
Wouldn't you prefer to be in control of your own life?
If so you must own your own upset.
Each of us carries around a picture of how the world should work.
We see the world, not as it is, but through a lens of our judgements about what we think it should be.
Upset is an inside job.
You are never upset for the reasons you think you are.
When you feel powerless you are likely to blame someone else.
Ask yourself, "Is there another way of seeing this person or event?"
If your feelings create a sense of peace your world view is loving
If your feeling create discomfort, your orientation has shifted from love to fear.
Do you want to own your own control or give it away?
Exercises:
1. Notice how your thinking creates your feelings. If you feel angry, sad or anxious check to see what you thought before the feeling.
2. Listen to how often you blame others.
3. When upset say "I feel angry, and it's ok"
4. Ask yourself, "Where is my power?" Did I give it away?
Skill of Composure
You can keep your composure when they your children lose theirs.
When you react, two things occur physically.
1. First, your adrenal glands send an urgent "fight or flight" message to every cell in your body. So you either fight with the kids or retreat.
2. Second your brain downshifts. Control shifts from the cortex to the limbic system. When you downshift you open your mouth and your mothers voice comes out.
Solution: Breathe deeply and view the situation differently. Own your own upset.
A reactive parent models the value of blame. The peaceful parent owns their own upset and models the value of integrity. The choice if yours.
Scriptures:
“that every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment.” (Matt. 12:36.)
“As [a man] thinketh in his heart, so is he.” (Prov. 23:7.)
“All the words of my mouth are in righteousness; there is nothing … perverse in them.” (Prov. 8:7–8.)
2 Nephi 2:27 Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh . . they are free to choose liberty . . . or to choose captivity . . . ."
D&C 123:17 "Cheerfully do all thing."
Proverbs 17:22 "A merry heart doth good like a medicine; but a broken spirit drieth the bones."
Scriptures 1 Thessalonians
5 Ye are all the children of light, and the children of the day: we are not of the night, nor of darkness.
22 Abstain from all appearances of evil.
Classic talk on Judging:
The Merciful Obtain Mercy - By President Dieter F. Uchtdorf
This topic of judging others could actually be taught in a two-word sermon. When it comes to hating, gossiping, ignoring, ridiculing, holding grudges, or wanting to cause harm, please apply the following:
Stop It.
It’s that simple. We simply have to stop judging others and replace judgmental thoughts and feelings with a heart full of love for God and His children. God is our Father. We are His children. We are all brothers and sisters. I don’t know exactly how to articulate this point of not judging others with sufficient eloquence, passion, and persuasion to make it stick. I can quote scripture, I can try to expound doctrine, and I will even quote a bumper sticker I recently saw. It was attached to the back of a car whose driver appeared to be a little rough around the edges, but the words on the sticker taught an insightful lesson. It read, “Don’t judge me because I sin differently than you.”
Bednar talk:
When we believe or say we have been offended, we usually mean we feel insulted, mistreated, snubbed, or disrespected. And certainly clumsy, embarrassing, unprincipled, and mean-spirited things do occur in our interactions with other people that would allow us to take offense. However, it ultimately is impossible for another person to offend you or to offend me. Indeed, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else.....
In the grand division of all of God’s creations, there are things to act and things to be acted upon (see 2 Nephi 2:13–14). As sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father, we have been blessed with the gift of moral agency, the capacity for independent action and choice. Endowed with agency, you and I are agents, and we primarily are to act and not just be acted upon. To believe that someone or something can make us feel offended, angry, hurt, or bitter diminishes our moral agency and transforms us into objects to be acted upon. As agents, however, you and I have the power to act and to choose how we will respond to an offensive or hurtful situation.
Judgment is an important use of our agency and requires great care, especially when we make judgments about other people. All our judgments must be guided by righteous standards. Only God, who knows each individual's heart, can make final judgments of individuals.
Sometimes people feel that it is wrong to judge others in any way. While it is true that we should not condemn others or judge them unrighteously, we will need to make judgments of ideas, situations, and people throughout our lives. The Lord has given many commandments that we cannot keep without making judgments. For example, He has said: “Beware of false prophets. … Ye shall know them by their fruits” (Matthew 7:15-16) and “Go ye out from among the wicked” (D&C 38:42). We need to make judgments of people in many of our important decisions, such as choosing friends, voting for government leaders, and choosing a spouse.
The Lord gave a warning to guide us in our judgment of others: “With what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged; and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother: Let me pull the mote out of thine eye—and behold, a beam is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, first cast the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast the mote out of thy brother's eye” (3 Nephi 14:2-5).
In this scripture passage the Lord teaches that a fault we see in another is often like a tiny speck in that person's eye, compared to our own faults, which are like an enormous beam in our eyes. Sometimes we focus on others' faults when we should instead be working to improve ourselves.